4. derailment

1.

Rapid Eye Movement

The redundancy has started getting to me

Incentivizing making it through the day

Maybe that’s why I’ve started to like sleep

Maybe that’s why I’ve stopped getting much.

Tied my self worth to attainable things

And achievable things

Take hits of it like a drug.

Want to find the me that went forward

And buried my happiness

In pieces

In future events and places.

Want to find her and ask her:

When does this end?

Is it worth anything?

Is anything worth it?

The redundancy has started getting to me.

Incentivizing making it through every single day.

Maybe that’s why I’ve started liking sleep.

Maybe that’s why I’ve stopped getting much.

2.

Fall Through

I don’t let me hate myself

Even for a second

Because if i start

It will be so easy to keep going.

I feel everything with a sharp volatility

It burns me like

acid from the inside out.

So I don’t let me hate myself.

Because nothing will be able to save me then.

3.

blood/scar

I cut myself 

To let you see

The colour of my blood

I did it with willingness

and so the skin closed itself

without a scar

But then you cut me

in the same spot

(Because you decided you had a taste for my blood)

And made me bleed

again

And I could not let myself forgive you

I will always bear the scar.

Written: 15.2.2020

Posted: 27.4.2020